1. Golf is an easy game… it’s just hard to play.
2. The man ho takes up golf to get his mind off work, soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.
3. The only reason I play golf is to bug my wife. She thinks I’m having fun.
4. The difference between a whiff and a practice swing is that nobody curses after a practice swing.
5. Oxymoron: An easy par three.
6. Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!
7. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly… or start cheating.
8. Golf is harder than baseball, in golf you have to play your foul balls.
9. Real golfers have tow handicaps: one for bragging and one for betting.
10. Golf is an expensive way to play marbles.
11. Golf is a game invented by God to punish guys who retire early.
12. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.
13. I enjoy shooting in the 120’s. I figure I’m getting more for my money
14. My game is so bad, I have to have my ball retriever regripped!
15. Fairway [faer-wai]: An unfamiliar tract of closely mown grass running directly from the tee to the green. Your ball can usually be found immediately to the left or right of it.
16. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is the income tax.
17. Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
18. Golf: a five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments
19. Forget about those “how to” books, videos and articles. The only sure way to save strokes is with an eraser.
20. Real golfers don’t miss putts, they get robbed.
21. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play baseball.
22. I’m not really that bad at putting, I just can’t catch a break.
23. Golf is a lot like taxes: you go for the green, and come out in the hole.
24. The best wood in most golfers’ bags is the pencil
25. “Golf is a good walk spoiled” – Mark Twain
26. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot, rarely make the perfect shot.
27. If you find that you don’t mind playing golf in the rain, snow, or even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
28. Golf got it’s name because all the other four-letter words were taken.
29. An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice… once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
30. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.
31. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
32. “Golf is a game in which you yell ‘Fore!’, shoot six and write down five.” – Harold Coffin
33. Practice Tee: A place where golfers go to convert a nasty hook into a wicked slice.
34. The average golfer walks about 150 km and drinks four liters of alcohol each year, which means golfers get about 38 km to the liter.
35. Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church.
36. A gimme can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.
37. I have a tip that will take five strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.