Caddie Jokes

1. Golfer: “I would move heaven and earth to get a birdie today”
Caddie: “Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth today.”

2. Many golfers prefer a cart instead of a caddy because a cart cannot count, criticize, or laugh!

3. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th.
He looked at his caddie and said: “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”
The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”

4. Golfer: “Right edge?”
Caddie: “I’m not sure. I don’t read putts for triple bogey.”

5. On a par-3 over water, the players asks, “Which club should I hit?”
The caddie replied: “The one that will get you over the water.”

6. At St. Andrews in Scotland, a golfer hits it into tall grass and asks the caddie, “Will we find it?”
The caddie’s response: “Lad, if that ball was wrapped in bacon Lassie couldn’t find it!”

7. After a long round at Lahinch, my buddy says to Bebe the caddie, “What do I owe you?”
Bebe says: “The first thing you owe me is a f***ing apology!”

8. A player asked his caddie’s advice on how to improve his game.
The caddie said, “Get your clubs adjusted to make them six inches shorter.”
The player asked, “What difference will that make?”
The caddie replied, “They will fit in your trash can better.”

9. As the player hits a short into a tree he declares, “They say trees are 90 percent air.”
Without missing a beat, the caddie says, “Yeah, so is a screen door.”

10. Caddie: “That shot looked good from the blimp.”

11. After the player hits a driver that goes straight for 200 yards, but then peels off into a bunker, the caddie says, “That’s a ‘mother-in-law shot’ – it sure looked good leaving!”

12. At Bandon Dunes after a ball into a bunker, the player says to his caddie, “I bet that is going to be a fried egg.”
The grinning caddies says, “You’re going to need a shovel.”

13. “Well, you kept it out of the ocean,” caddie to player after player pulls tee shot into the rough on the ninth hole at Pebble Beach.

14. A hacker was playing so badly that his caddie was getting increasingly exasperated. On the 11th, his ball lay about 160 yards from the green and as he eyed up the shot, he asked his caddie, “Do you think I can get there with a 4-iron?”
“Eventually.” replied the caddie, wearily.

15. Caddie: “That was a ‘son-in-law shot.’ Not really what you were expecting, but you’ll take it.”

16. A golfer was having a terrible round — 20-over par for the front nine with scores of balls lost in water or rough. When his caddie then coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 10th, he lost it.
“You’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world!” he yelled.
“I doubt it,” replied the caddie, dead-pan. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”

17. Golfer: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.”
Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”

18. A caddie helped two aged Germans around our course. Failing yet again to get the ball in the air the worst golfer of the pair exclaimed, “I suppose you have never seen any player worse than me?” The caddie replied, “There are plenty worse than you sir but they all quit playing years ago.”

19. An American went to Scotland and hired a Scottish caddie. After a bad tee shot, he played a “Mulligan” which was an extremely good one. He then asked the caddie, “What do you call a Mulligan in Scotland?”
The caddie replied: “We call it 3.”